Emotions

So this is my first blog on this, well, blog. I’m not too sure if it is a good one or a sad one or a bad one. I wanted to do a happy one since a lot of blogs that were on my old one were pretty bad. Just depressing really. I’d like to say that I’m not a depressing person but sometimes the things I write about can come off that way. I think it could be that I write when I’m feeling bad to make myself feel better.



Tonight I went to the movie Eat Pray Love. I liked it a lot. Before the movie started I had been feeling really low. A lot of it was problems that I know are rather pathetic. I was stressing about stuff that seems pointless to stress over. I was worrying about how I looked and the lack of relationships in my life. I kept bringing up all the things I didn’t like about myself and replaying them over and over in my head. I know that’s not a good thing to do but when I feel upset I can’t help but do it. I tried to join in the conversation with my friends but I couldn’t seem to stick with it. Being on the end of the line made it easy for me to isolate myself and sulk in my thoughts, not something I’m proud to do. I hate doing stuff like that and I do it way too much.


The movie started. I liked it a lot. The movie gave me a great feeling of desire and ambition. It makes sense with what the movie is about. The feeling I get watching movies usually follows me after the movie and I’m in that mode for awhile. That didn’t happen tonight. Instead, it seemed like I just got worse from before. I felt myself cold and shaking and I’m pretty sure it was from the low mood I was in. On the way home, I cried. I didn’t really have a single thought that I was crying about at the moment but I’m pretty sure it was a bunch of self-pity… and self-hate.


I want a lot of things. I want a lot of things that I can’t give myself… and that’s the problem. I need to stop worrying over things I can’t control. I can’t force anyone to do anything. The only person I can control is myself. How many times have I heard that being said in some classroom, movie, or tv show. It’s everywhere. People are always saying this and it’s the lesson you learn as a kid. Why does it seem so easy to accomplish? It’s a simple idea after all. It’s not so easy.


I’m going to try. That’s all I can do at the moment. I know it’s me that needs to change. If I want to meet people and get new friends then I need to stop being shy. I need to talk to people. I need to love myself. I never thought I’d have to tell myself that but I guess I do. I have a good life. Better than a lot of people. I have a great family. The few friends I do have are amazing and I don’t know what I would do without them. They are always there for me when I need them.


Well I thought it would seem a little less sad than it actually turned out but I feel so much better now. I’m hoping this feeling that I have now will last. I at least want them to last for a few days. Good feelings are always good. :)